In the pipeline

Eastwood:

There are two kinds of people…

Wilson:

…those who like mountains, and those who like the beach.

Anyway, that’s all I’ve got so far, but the screenplay will sorta focus on a guy like me, one who hates the beach. He gives it a fair shake here and there. He gets sunburned. He fools with sunscreen. He fools with sand packed in every crevice of his body. And another layer or two of sunburn, sunscreen and sand.

He tries many methods of accommodating his friends’ and family’s enjoyment of the beach. He focuses on the seafood-buying portion of the trip. He gets up on a surf board for a split second. He wears long sleeve shirts. He carts margarita fixin’s along. He hits brewpubs in the vicinity.

Finally, he throws his middle finger in the air toward the boring line dividing two shades of blue and announces to his Wonderful Beer Wife that he’s tried, but he’s done. The beach sucks, and he’s pretty much done going. He’ll meet you and make you lunch. But he’s saving his travel dollars for the mountains, where the terrain is varied with multiple shades of green, lines that are more than just horizontal, peace, shade and hiking. Among other highlights.

While I’m a mountain guy, I found something that could make me like the beach: Kona Brewing Company‘s Pipeline Porter. Kona’s had some success with their porters at the old GABF, which started today, in fact, and so this one seemed a good beer to pull out for a look-see. Pipeline is a limited release porter made with 100% Kona Coffee. Have you ever had Kona coffee? It’s the stuff that kicks serious ass. If you can afford it.

So this stuff’s in the beer and I’m smiling like an idiot. Mouth salivating. Trigger Bottle opener finger itching. At this point you’re at the edge of your seat, I’m sure. You’re thinking to yourself, if you’re gonna shoot, shoot; don’t talk.

Lovely coffee aroma. Check. Lovely coffee flavor. Check.

Is it necessary to put Kona coffee in a beer? Maybe, maybe not. Is it sufficient to put Folger’s in a beer? Helldamnshit no.

Black in the glass as it sits on the table and deep mahogany when held to the light, this roasty libation satisfies the salivation and makes the smile less idiotic.

Since porters and stouts inherently possess coffee-like qualities, some might argue that the addition of the Bean may be superfluous. But I think it’s good to have a few of these brews out on the shelves for the transition drinker. While so many cry, “Wheat beer!” or “Amber ale!” as suggestions for transition beer drinkers, I think this is just the flavor to make quick work of converting the coffee drinker. The other reason this is a good specialty beer to have available is The Beach. It’s a great beach beer, in my alternative opinion. Nobody would look at you funny if you were drinking iced coffee in the summer months, so why should you do anything but drink a dark, roasty porter? Toss some coffee into the brew, and accentuate your day at the beach with a cool beer with character.

The good thing about the beaches of Hawaii is that they serve as basecamp to the mountain that rises up out of the sea. Suddenly, I’m in the mood for a hike. That would make my day.

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