Skull Splitter Attacked

My wife claims I don’t get worked up about anything that’s important.

I think the first time she ever saw me angry was when she cut onions wrong for whatever it was we were cooking on some newlywed evening. I’ve mellowed past that peculiar trait, but still recognize it’s the little, beery tidbits that garner my concern much more than gun control. Actually, I suppose that’s not exactly true anymore. I certainly have developed a stable of domestic and international political concerns over the years.

In any case, I figured that there were a load of other beer pundits out there to comment on the InBev takeover of Anheiser-Busch. I’m not really a newsie blog, after all.

But this just in from the Guardian! An article titled “‘Skull Splitter’ beer could be withdrawn”. Ahh, crap. That’s a tasty freakin’ libation. We must raise our swords against this kind of tyranny. From the article:

“A potent Orcadian beer called ‘Skull Splitter’ could be withdrawn from sale following claims its Viking-branded bottles have too aggressive a theme.”

Which kind of tyranny? Watch dog groups like the Portman Group, which brings the threat of banishment, death, extinction to Orkney. To use strong, made-up language like these kinds of people do, jobs could be lost. Children could go unfed. Wives could be forced into prostitution to make ends meet. Many a violent night could be on the horizon, thanks to the stealing and dealing that might become the only way to heat a home in the winter.
Tell me; who’s acting violently? Watch dog groups need to take their noble spare time and watch the government, the primary source of concern on both a domestic and international level. No sense in pestering a harmless brewery providing a lovely, soul-nurturing beverage, cultural delight and a nod to ancestry. Aren’t these three contributions to be commended?
As a matter of fact, if you surf on over to Orkney’s website, you’ll be greeted not by threats of violence, but by this little slice of text:
The tranquil Orkney Islands, with their fertile farming lands and fishing grounds, have been inhabited for over 5000 years. The Orkney brewery is housed in the former schoolhouse in Quoyloo 1 mile from Skara Brae in the heart of Neolithic Orkney.
I just don’t think we should hassle them. They’re tranquil, for goodness sake. Let’s hassle George Bush for his too-aggressive themes.
As for what’s in the bottle itself, I lovingly, passionately and non-violently place Orkney Skull Splitter in the following categories:
  1. delicious
  2. great by the fireside
  3. best shared
  4. good enough to sit around and smell all day
  5. thoughtful gift
Should such a beer be axed? I think not.

One Response to Skull Splitter Attacked

  1. Glenn says:

    After living through the days of our local watchdog the honorable Rev Creech trying to railroad the Pop the Cap movement almost nothing surprises me anymore from these sorts of people.

    I know what we can do to really get those folks going..if violence on the labels bothers them..send them some DR and ask them is it a duck or is it a rabbit? Or is it really a secret satanic symbol??? That’ll make their heads explode for sure 🙂

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